This, from one of our contributors today.
Things haven't been so good lately. I'm finding it harder and harder to cope.
I can't sleep, but then when I sleep, I can't wake up.
I can't concentrate on anything other than making plans to end it all.
But I don't want to call for help. What are my options? There are no options.
The Crisis team? What can they do anyway? Tell you off if you call them instead of the CCTT when you aren't sure which number to ring. Have a magical bath of healing. Distract yourself. End up feeling worse than before you called.
So you're offered hospital, but I have no idea where will I end up.
- Burnley, which by all accounts is hell on earth.
- Blackpool, which has a great reputation, but only next to Burnley.
- Chorley, miles away from my family and too far for them to visit.
- Ormskirk? I'm not even sure where the hell Ormskirk is.
- Some private hospital somewhere? Not local, Manchester? Further?
I don't want to be sent miles away. I just don't. Knowing there's fuck all chance of being close to home, desperate to get out. That's not healing. That's not the environment you can get better in.
So I'm not calling for support as it's pointless. There's no point in calling for support when there's none, is there. If I ask for support and end up hospitalised then I'm screwed.
I give in. I really do. There's no help and no where to turn to.
Thanks LCFT. Thank you very much for taking away my local hospital. Thank you for screwing me over just because I'm a woman. Thanks for screwing over your own bed capacity to my loss.
Thanks for nothing.